and miles to go before I sleep

Today, in my local Kroger's, I passed by the personal hygiene aisle and saw a male-presenting person in slouchy beanie and flannel standing in front of the yeast infection creams and having a murmured conference with someone on his phone about which one to buy.

1. Good boyfriend/male friend/male relative/whatever. I felt the urge to pat him on the back but didn't want to interrupt his VERY important mission.
2. I couldn't help but imagine the person on the other end of that call, lying in bed with their legs spread and their cooch aflame, screaming, "JUST BUY ONE ANY ONE."